Calling Each Other In Vs Calling Each Other Out

by Dani Katz

I’m calling you out.

mindfulnessWe’ve all heard the expression. It’s usually uttered by a friend bearing witness to one of our less conscious moments. The act itself is a righteous one, as blind spots are so called for a reason, and because we all have ‘em, and because it’s way easier to catch wind of their existence with the help of the extra eyes conscious community provides.
To this end, we support the sharing of agreements with our loved ones such that we all have open-ended permission to call each other on the shadow patterns we observe – be they negative self-talk, leaky limiting beliefs or merely that string of errant likes peppering the spaces between our words – a relic from our Valley Girl adolescence, a useless verbal tic whose stronghold we are effortlessly releasing.
But, let us feel into this phrase, this Calling you out, shall we? The words themselves conjure images of being cast out of favor, and out of the tribe, and out of any and all socially accepted safety zones. Out as in to separate, as in – If you don’t stop modifying your speech patterns with all these Valley girl Likes, you will be excommunicated from the community and forced to wander the great barren desert that is the San Fernando Valley without love, shelter or support of any kind.
Ridiculous though this leap may seem, especially in light of what is undoubtedly a vastly different intention, there are parts of our psyche and our emotional body that can, will and do interpret this very message upon receiving these words.
Try it. Say the words aloud to yourself: “I’m calling me out.” What sort of physiological reaction do you have? How do the words land in your body? In your belly? In your heart?

Take your cognitive mind out of it – the part of you that automatically overwrites the inclination to feel the separation the words imply by instead focusing on the intention. Because, while that part of our brain is awesome, and allows us to sidestep any emotional reactions the thought of being an outcast may inspire, there is another part of the brain – the triune brain – that does connect with the ancestral fear of being cast out, and that is waging its own reaction – chemical and psychological, as well as energetic.

And, while our analytical brain is likely competent enough to navigate the discord, and make up for it with logic, intelligence and tools, those triune responses are still happening, whether we connect with them or not. They are still telling our emotional body that we aren’t safe, still releasing fight or flight chemicals into our bloodstream, and still running their own trips based upon the energetic vibrations that word – that out – necessarily carries.
The fix is simple, requiring the most minor of edits:

mindfulnessI’m calling you in.

Aaaahhhh…isn’t that better?
The meaning is the same: It points our attention toward a moment in which we went unconscious. And yet, the space this adjustment just opened within our mind and body is vast and immeasurable. Aaaahhhh…exhales our internal landscape. Suddenly, the act of sharing blind spots became infinitely more loving. It’s also more accurate, as the act of calling her in not only brings our Valley Girl friend closer into the tribe who is supporting her in releasing an unconscious strategy that seeks to separate her from her words, and from her truth, it also brings her closer to herself – her True Self, not the weak, simpering personality construct that tries to distance her from taking responsibility for her words (as those errant Likes seek to do).
It does a lot of heavy lifting, this tiny languaging upgrade with the massive implications, the one that expands our hearts while simultaneously supporting us in relinquishing our ego’s strongholds on our sovereignty.
Let us not underestimate the power of vibration, the effects these invisible frequencies that each of our words carry have on our bodies, our minds, our relationships and our world at large.
Because every word matters, and we can’t have our Valley Girl wandering the harsh, deserted landscape of Encino without the support of her tribe, now can we?

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