It’s a gamble either way. You meet a guy and things are going well, he’s funny, attentive and attractive. You go out on a couple of dates and because the chemistry is so good, you think it’s a good idea to give in to the sparks flying between you two since you met, and you decide to get intimate. Unfortunately, it’s a sad, sad situation once you do, and then you realize that it’s never going to work out because they’re just terrible as a lover and you two lack any kind of sexual chemistry together.
While there’s no guaranteed way to pre-empt this situation and avoid bad encounters, there are some simple methods to figure out if the guy you’re dating is going to be good in bed, before you two get between the sheets. Are you ready to play the ‘undercover’ sleuth? Here goes:
- Grooming: The way he smells is almost as important as the way he looks, and someone who is well groomed and takes pride in his appearance clearly has good self-esteem and is willing to make an effort. Take care to differentiate between this and a person who is self-obsessed or prettier than you. That kind of guy is more likely to be selfish in bed and concerned with his own pleasure rather than treating sex as a team sport.
- Fitness: It’s not like he needs to have washboard abs or bulging biceps to get your loving (although you certainly won’t complain if he does). But if he cares for his health, he’s likely to be blessed with more stamina, energy and flexibility, all of which come real handy in the boudoir.
- Appetite: Watch how he eats his food. Does he pick at everything and eat only a few bits, leaving almost all the rest? Or does he gulp down everything without even tasting it, intent on only swallowing what’s served to him because he’s terribly hungry? Either way, it might signal the state of his sexual appetite as well, ranging from a lover who will do the bare minimum to someone who will pretty much race through everything until he’s satisfied, without caring to check if you are too.
- Compassion: Yes, the way a guy behaves on a date is not exactly an accurate reflection of his real self but watch for small factors that give away more than he realizes: is he rude to the wait staff? Does he get impatient because service is slow? Is he short with his mum who calls halfway through the date? Does he brag about how he ditched his sister’s birthday party so he could meet you instead? You don’t need to be a detective to discover that this rude dude is bad news.
- Listening Skills: He asks you questions and doesn’t bother letting you finish responding. Or he doesn’t ask you for your opinion at all. Ever. Seems like he doesn’t really care about your feelings with your clothes on so why would you expect that to change when you get naked together? Here’s a tip: don’t. Look for guys who value your opinion and appreciate everything about you, your smart mouth, intelligent thoughts, wicked grin and all.
- Contact: He’s been making small, sweet gestures every time you meet. From the almost imperceptible ones like gently tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear to grabbing your waist on the dance floor to steady you, he’s always looking for ways to establish some kind of non-invasive contact. This bodes well, as he’s clearly making it obvious that he’s physically attracted to you. Of course, the way he kisses you should quell any doubts about that.
- Generosity: Pay attention to how he pays. If he tends to be a stingy tipper, always lets you pick up the tab and claims he forgot his wallet at home; it’s very likely he’s more of a taker than a giver. Do you really need a selfish person in your life or in your bed? We didn’t think so either.
- Rhythm: Speaking of dance floors, notice how he moves to the music. Someone who is shy and refuses to dance might be a bit too inhibited in bed while the guy who commands the entire floor and hogs the spotlight might be a bit self-centered and kind of a show off. Avoid either extreme and look instead, for the guy who can match your rhythm and who knows how to have fun on the floor. He’s likely to want to match your pace and tempo between the sheets as well.
- Discretion: This one’s pretty easy, actually. If your date is super generous with the intimate details of his exes, or you gather that his friends and colleagues receive a low-down of all his carnal conquests, you might want to end things right then and there. There’s no doubt you will feature in his show reel as one more notch on the bedpost.
Ladies, please remember that these are mere indications of his ability to please you in bed. Chances are you might hit gold more likely than not, but don’t lose hope if he doesn’t measure up. Sometimes you just need to lead the way. So don’t be shy to tell him what you need and how you like it.
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