Seduction techniques, libido boosters and aphrodisiacs are all good and have their place in the courting rituals of men and women alike, but what about the final act? When it comes down to it, being naked and getting intimate with another person can be a terrifying experience that requires oodles of confidence and single-minded focus. And there’s nothing that can make you feel more vulnerable or ruin the mood completely than an embarrassing incident during lovemaking.
If you’re worried about sexual bloopers, we’ve got quick solutions to the most common ones. Here’s how you can cope with them in fun, healthy ways:
1. Oversharing Your Fantasies
Problem: Everything was going fine until you blabbed about your porn stash, or leather whip collection, or that inflatable doll!
Solution: There’s a fine line between earning your lover’s trust by opening up about yourself, and revealing something that makes them uncomfortable. Even though you might be dying to introduce your partner to your fantasies, fetishes, secret turn-ons and desires, give them some time to get accustomed to being with you. Establish trust, and focus on learning more about them instead. Once you can gauge their comfort levels, gently suggest what you’d like to do, but make it clear that you would never go ahead without their consent.
2. Springing Surprises
Problem: Everything seems to be going just fine, when your lover freezes like the proverbial deer in the headlights, because you’ve done something he or she wasn’t comfortable with or expecting in the first place.
Solution: Be cool. Sex is an activity that requires people to trust each other completely and to value each other’s boundaries. If you feel you have inadvertently crossed some line, avoid making a big deal about it and simply transition to something else that will take their mind off the transgression, and on to the fun you were having up until then. Switch to a more pleasurable activity that will make them forget that awful moment (and remember not to do it again).
3. Rushing Ahead
Problem: It might be that it’s been a while for you, or some other reason that makes you finish before your partner reaches climax. Yes, it can be disappointing for them, but if you start to blush, apologize and stutter, you risk underscoring and highlighting an already annoying situation.
Solution: Laugh a little, be honest and tell them you were so turned on that you couldn’t control yourself any longer. This will momentarily shift the focus on them, and let them know you’re willing to try again. While it may not be physically possible to recharge those batteries right away, focus on pleasuring them in other imaginative ways until you’re ready for round two.
4. Lagging Behind
Problem: The complete opposite of the earlier issue, there are times when you just can’t seem to reach the finish line.
Solution: Instead of getting frustrated and giving up in a huff, or stoically soldiering on and risking injury or soreness, switch things up a little. Focus on foreplay instead, or just unselfishly pay attention to your partner’s needs and put yours aside, for this time. They will remember, appreciate and maybe even reciprocate later. Win-win all the way.
We’re only human, and even with the best of intentions, sometimes our bodies and minds don’t let us read our partner’s subtle cues. Follow these simple tips and remember to keep your cool, keeping your lover hot all the way. Here’s to a healthy and fun sex life.