Let’s face it — we’ve all had vegans in our lives who are just a little, ahem, evangelical about their diet. In fact, they say the easiest way to tell if someone is a vegan is to talk with them for all of 10 seconds.

If we’re being fair, however, we can’t really blame them. Study after study has shown that vegans not only live longer, but stay healthier into old age than the rest of us omnivores. On the other hand, it’s pretty, okay, really annoying.

Case in point: this hilarious new video from AwakenwithJP.com shows a meat eater acting like a vegan.

Read a few of our favorite one-liners below —

•“I’m going to the Meat Stock Fresh festival. Are you going
•“Yeah, I want the tofu spring rolls, except I don’t eat tofu, so do you have a tofu-flavored chicken you can substitute in for me?”
•“Orcas are even more spiritually evolved than humans, and they only eat seal meat. So that means we should only eat meat because that’s the most spiritually-evolved diet. Because of orcas.”
•“Broccoli. That’s what my food eats. That’s my food’s food, and I don’t appreciate you eating that.”
•“Have you seen the Kale-spiracy documentary?”