The Number 2 Problem Plaguing Everyone: Public Pooping

September 24, 2015

Time and tide wait for no man, and for that matter, neither do bowel movements. Few people have been spared the excruciating terror of having to suddenly evacuate their bowels when out in public. While shopping mall, restaurant and bar restrooms are fair game for all, when it comes to dropping a load at the office, during a party at friend’s house or worst of all, at your romantic partner’s residence, there’s plenty of cause for concern.

The sounds, smells and of course, the very knowledge that you have performed intimate, rather sordid deeds in their vicinity (even if they are natural, bodily functions), can be potentially embarrassing. So how does one avoid such situations?

There’s no foolproof method because when you gotta go, you gotta go, but these three basic tips should help you avoid such socially awkward situations:

Don’t eat suspicious, unfamiliar or extremely spicy things unless you know you will be able to pay the price of that meal in the non-judgmental confines of your own bathroom, on your personal throne.
Try to avoid foods that cause bloating or indigestion before a big meeting or presentation at work, or even prior to a party or some such social gathering. This goes double for you if you are lactose intolerant, gluten sensitive or allergic to certain foods.
Regularize your bowel movements so that you are accustomed to going potty at a fixed time, say, just after you wake up or at the most, post your first cuppa Joe. That way, you won’t be surprised by stray cargo trying to make its way out when it’s least convenient.

And if all else fails, there are always ingenious entrepreneurs who invent products like poo pourri. No, I didn’t spell that wrong; take a look at the hilarious video to know what we’re talking about. It may just be a life saver, and prevent awkwardness all around: